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Jokes
Aug 23, 2017 16:38:10 GMT
Post by keith on Aug 23, 2017 16:38:10 GMT
Know its the main holiday season but things seem to be very quiet on here at the moment. How about we start a thread for jokes.... I suggest we keep them clean. So for a start of " I will get my coat" ones this is my first...
In Jamaica you can get a meat and potato pie for £1.75, a steak and kidney pie for £2.50 or a pork pie for £1.00. In Barbados they will cost you £2.75, £1.99 and £3.50 respectively. In Haiti you can expect to pay 75p, 30p and 80p. I Cuba you cant buy a pork pie at all but can get a nice chicken and mushroom pie for 20p.
These my friends are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
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Jokes
Aug 24, 2017 8:29:26 GMT
Post by Mike A on Aug 24, 2017 8:29:26 GMT
They can only get better! What is Orange and comes out of the ground at 70 MPH? An E-type carrot!
What is Green and points to the North? A magnetic cucumber!
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Jokes
Aug 24, 2017 15:45:45 GMT
Post by keith on Aug 24, 2017 15:45:45 GMT
It was our anniversary recently so I booked a table. The Wife was really upset as she hates snooker.
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Jokes
Aug 25, 2017 22:03:02 GMT
via mobile
Post by Sam Hibbs (Admin) on Aug 25, 2017 22:03:02 GMT
There was an Elbow tribute band called Arse. Personally I couldn't tell the difference.
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Jokes
Aug 27, 2017 14:00:04 GMT
via mobile
Post by Sam Hibbs (Admin) on Aug 27, 2017 14:00:04 GMT
Wife:Why do you talk about my weight behind my back?
Husband:By the time I get around to the front, I've forgotten what I was going to say
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Jokes
Aug 27, 2017 20:52:00 GMT
Post by keith on Aug 27, 2017 20:52:00 GMT
A man goes to the doctors and asks for help. He explains that when ever he goes shopping he has the temptation to steal things and considers he is a compulsive thief. The doctor replies. "Here is a prescription for some medication. Take one a day for two weeks and come back and see me in a fortnight. During the mean time if they don't do you any good see if you can get me a laptop!"
I start a new job in Seoul next week.
Does anyone think it will be a good Korea move?
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Jokes
Sept 6, 2017 21:48:02 GMT
Post by keith on Sept 6, 2017 21:48:02 GMT
Based on the sounds coming from my neighbours house they are either having amazing sex or putting together a cabinet from Ikea.
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Jokes
Dec 9, 2017 23:26:46 GMT
Post by keith on Dec 9, 2017 23:26:46 GMT
Two Cows were talking Daisy I was artificially inseminated this morning. Dolly I dont believe you. Daisy Its true no Bull.
I found a new pub that serves chicken dinners for 50p, You sit down and they give you a plate of bird seed.
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Jokes
Dec 18, 2017 22:18:37 GMT
Post by Mike A on Dec 18, 2017 22:18:37 GMT
Guy at work Friday afternoon says"Thats it off on my Hols, Sun,Sea and Sex" His mate says great, will you get me 200 fags. Yes of course. When he comes back to work his mate says "Did you have a Good time" Yes he says great. did you get my fags , Yes he says, mate says how much £200, blimey he says where did you go? . , . , . Blackpool!
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Rich
New Member
Posts: 38
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Post by Rich on Dec 22, 2017 12:17:27 GMT
I bought my wife a new artificial leg for Christmas. It wasn't her main present, it was just a stocking filler...
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Jokes
Dec 30, 2017 19:03:19 GMT
Post by keith on Dec 30, 2017 19:03:19 GMT
When I was a kid I used to think that earwigs actually lived in your ears... You can imagine how terrified I was of cockroaches
When I was in Thailand I came close to going with a lady boy. She looked like a girl but when she reversed perfectly into a parking space I thought "hang on a second "
The wife was furious with me for kicking ice cubes under the refrigerator but now its just water under the fridge.
Happy New Year everyone .........................
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Rich
New Member
Posts: 38
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Jokes
Jan 2, 2018 19:55:12 GMT
Post by Rich on Jan 2, 2018 19:55:12 GMT
Sign outside a garage: 'Auto repair service. Free pick up and delivery. Try us once and you'll never go anywhere again'.
Sign at a restaurant in Malaysia: 'Seafood brought in by customers will not be entertained'.
Label on a pushchair: 'Warning, remove child before folding'.
Sign at a zoo: 'Please do not feed the elephants. If you have any peanuts or buns give them to the keeper'.
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